Let’s go back.

Before the heartbreak.
Before the bad decisions.
Before the patterns.
Before you were “too much.”
Before you shrank yourself to be loved.

There was a version of you - small, innocent, hurt - who just wanted to be seen, held, and safe.

And she didn’t get that.

You Were Taught to Earn What Should’ve Been Given Freely

Some of us didn’t grow up in abusive homes. We grew up in emotionally absent ones. Silent ones. Confusing ones. Where “love” looked like:

  • being good

  • being quiet

  • being helpful

  • not needing too much

  • not making a mess

  • not crying

Love wasn’t a given, it was a performance.

So we learned: “If I shape myself the right way… maybe they’ll stay.”

And now, as adults, we confuse self-abandonment with love.

That Pain in Your Relationships? That’s Childhood Echoing

You keep choosing unavailable people not because you're stupid - but because you're loyal to the wound.

You’re still chasing the love you didn’t get.

You’re hoping that if you can finally make someone stay…you’ll prove you were lovable all along.

But it doesn’t work. Because you’re chasing healing in the same place you were hurt.

❝

“You’re not falling in love - you’re falling into a pattern that feels like home.”

Your Nervous System Thinks This Is Normal

If you grew up:

  • Walking on eggshells

  • Managing adults' emotions

  • Being “the strong one”

  • Swallowed by silence

  • Ignored when you cried

  • Or punished for being real

Then “safe love” will feel foreign. Your body won’t trust it. You’ll call it boring. You’ll self-sabotage. You’ll chase chaos, because that’s the only language your inner child speaks.

And no one taught her another one.

Here's the Truth That Hurts and Heals

The love you crave doesn’t exist in them. It exists in you, learning how to re-parent the parts of you that were never held.

You want to be chosen? Choose yourself.You want to be seen? Witness yourself.You want to be protected? Stop abandoning your own boundaries.

Because here's the brutal beauty of it:

❝

“The love you didn’t get will never be replaced. But it can be rewritten — through how you love yourself now.”

Try This: A Letter to Your Younger Self

Sit in silence. Close your eyes. Picture the child version of you. What did she need to hear? Write it. Speak it. Mean it.

Start with: “I’m sorry you had to…” “You didn’t deserve…” “I see you now, and…”

Let her feel what she’s been begging for.

Journal Prompt

What are you still trying to get from others that you didn’t get as a child?

What would it look like to give that to yourself?

With deep tenderness,

𝓴🖤

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